Mark E Smith : His Part In My Downfall

Posted byloreleiirvinePosted in2026, Humour, Lorna Irvine, Music, ProseTags:, , , , , , , , , , ,

The audition had been bloody. Smith had various band members by the lapels, shaking them like human piñatas, waiting for ideas to just fall out. Smith kept screaming, for reasons best known to himself, “Peters and Lee!” A new musical detour for us to consider, no doubt. There had been dark mutterings in the ranks about flirtations with “neo-Nazi imagery”. Maybe some black shirts, purchased at BHS. I muttered, somewhat fruitlessly, “Who makes the Nazis?”

All I remembered doing, for my part, was suggesting a lurch towards Krautrock in the new album. And a willingness to play theremin. Id been listening to fifties sci-fi soundtracks on a loop, and drinking energy drinks on painkillers, all day. In my head it had all been so simple. I was no match for Smith’s bellicose nihilism, so had slunk off to bed in the hotel, to stare at the European decor in some vain attempt to glean something akin to clarity. No dice (man).

When I came to, it was three pm. My head felt like a city centre. The band had scarpered, en route I’d heard, to the studio. The newest member, a rudimentary bassist called Seb, only sixteen, spotty little milksop, and but one recipient of said lapel shaking, left a hastily scribbled note for me. It read:

“Smith’s less than enthused by your suggestions. The theremin is for art school wankers. His words, not mine. He’s obsessed with the Peelers just now, and was mumbling about a new EP called ‘Coppers and Peelers’. Said we’d self -produce in Munich, hates birds like you for thinking you can run his group. Usual power trip shit. By the way, it falls to me to tell you, you’re fired.

Soz.

Seb”.

Published by loreleiirvine

I'm a freelance arts critic, working with a particular emphasis on music, theatre and dance.

9 thoughts on “Mark E Smith : His Part In My Downfall”

  1. That’s great, of course I’m a sucker for anything fact or fiction along these lines. That was an interesting little interlude along the cusp of the 80s for the band before Brix came along and after their first, overt Sex Pistols-inspired punk chapter from 77-78. Their use of the N-word didn’t do them any favors with The Classical did it? Listen to Peter Hook’s biography if you haven’t, or read it I guess though I loved his narration, about that era, it’s wonderful. And the odd fascination with the Nazis Hook at least says didn’t mean anything, as they were just bored teenagers.

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    1. I’m not crazy about Hooky, TBH. But yeah, Smith’s fascination with Nazis was always iffy. Have you read Brix’s boo? I met the lady who allegedly went with MES , Ellen van Schulyenburch, behind Brix’s back. Absolutely lovely woman and a fine dancer. Poor Brix though.

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      1. Have not read Brix’s book but I should! That’s neat you met that other woman. Yeah, sadly that guy was just a uh MESS probably.

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      2. Ellen redid Curious Orange with the blessing of Michael Clark. She’s a firecracker. Mark did too much speed and booze, from all accounts. I know a lady who used to drink him under the table in Edinburgh too!

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      3. He did prioritize his work, I will give him that. What an inspiration he’s been to me for more than half of my life! And I’m 55!

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