Ahhh, Peter Capaldi, the dapper, mild -mannered thespian and for a whole generation, forever ‘Dr Who’. But undercover of darkness, he transformed into Malcolm Tucker, godfather of spin, Beelzebub in a suit, and *wink* not at all based on Alistair Campbell, Tony Blair’s right-hand man.
‘The Thick of It ‘, created by the brilliant Armando Iannucci, captured a time in politics when even choosing a chair for the office had to be micromanaged, let alone any government decision about the next Prime Minister’s opening speech. That time was the early noughties (but for the Campbell reference).
It’s swearing elevated to the highest art form imaginable, bullying on a catastrophic scale. Like an epidemic, or a plague of rats, Malcolm Tucker was everywhere and everything at once. To paraphrase the famous ‘Alien’ tagline, ‘ In the cabinet, everyone can hear you scream”. Id like to think that just like Lego Batman, he sat at home in his jammies, watching rom-coms.
Step 1.
Focus on your target: a lesser member of staff, perhaps, or someone new to the position.
Step 2.
Eyes bulging, insult them with a cheerful, if bellicose, “HOI, YOU… I’ve just eaten a Greggs pasty that was more sentient and less greasy than you on ‘Question Time last night”, etc. Give that Achilles heel of their’s a good twist. Vulnerabilities, and the dismantling thereof, are your strong suit.
Step 3.
Target suitably eviscerated, sweep past them with all the force of a hurricane, en route to your next prey.
Step 4.
Take two mobile phones with you at all times. This way, it’s a three pronged attack.
Step 5.
Rinse aid repeat, and it just goes on.
Hit The North 