Dear Beldina

Beldina onstage at the SAY Awards

Dear Beldina,

I resisted doing this for years because I didn’t know how to start, to be honest.

I can’t believe it was November 5th, 2021 when we lost you. Typing these words even now, it’s still almost impossible to process this fact. I think about you often, and I know I’m not the only one. My friends and I still talk about the loss of you, far too young. Kathryn Joseph picked some songs on Mary Anne Hobbes’ 6Music morning show not long after you passed away, and of course your voice was last on her playlist. I lay down on my sofa and cried. Once I’d calmed down, I messaged Kathryn to thank her and told her I was a mess , and she said, “Oh god Lorna, me too”.

How to describe that voice? Sometimes it was like a sob, sometimes a sigh, and sometimes like you’d wrung every last drop out of blood from your body. I’m thinking about your performance of Kathryn Joseph ‘s beautiful song ‘The Bird’ at The SAY Awards, where you emerged from a cloak, like Loie Fuller, and your voice just seemed to ricochet around the room. It was incredible. Everything else just seemed to melt away.

But the pain you sometimes expressed was a microcosm of who you were. You were an activist, a righteous woman, railing against injustice. This was evidenced by your theatre work in ‘Lament For Sheku Bayoh’, and ‘Move’, your poetry, feminist workshops and musical collaboration as part of the Hen Hoose collective.

You were also hilarious. I remember you sitting up one night on eBay (relate to that) and you were looking at royal tat and cackling. I made a deal with you. You could have the pop-up Prince Charles book and his “manky sausage fingers” as you put it, and I could keep the pop-up Princess Diana with the shit hair. We imagined sharing custody of dreadful royal memorabilia: the poorest quality, the better. You hated the hypocrisy of the royal family as much as me, I can only imagine your glee as the Andrew debacle has unfolded this year.

I also teased you mercilessly about going to see Arab Strap on a date, one night and you said, “Well, if Aidan Moffat can’t do the business for me”… Like he was Falkirk’s answer to Barry White or something. Brilliant.

You were kind, and funny, beautiful and complex. Thirteen siblings in your family and you still stood out. You were special, and time will never dim your light, Bel.