A M3gan Franchise?-No, Thanks

I finally succumbed to the hype surrounding M3gan last night and watched the British TV premiere on Channel 4. Really, I wish I hadn’t. On paper, it sounded perfect for this old goth: a scathing satire/ horror of Artificial Intelligence gone wrong through the actions of a cutesie doll prototype, initially designed as a kind of “smart doll” companion to a bereaved child.

The first half hour or so gripped me, even if the script was far too expositional. Allison Williams as Gemma gives a great performance as a career gal who’s childless through choice and is a workaholic, thrust into the situation of looking after her niece and unable to cope. But then the emotional manipulation began (the doll singing Sia to the sad child, etc) and the cliches came fast and thick, with massive plot holes. Why is M3gan so physically strong? Why was there no character development in any way, shape or form? It’s so predictable and not nearly as savage as it could have been, failing as both subversive comedy or chilling horror.

People seem to love it. To me, it’s as empty as the Olsen sister lookalike. There’s nothing to care about. Cady (Violet McGraw) is a spoiled brat. The famous dance sequence, all of twenty seconds long, serves no purpose other than to make the film meme-worthy. There could have been more humour (a fight with a microwave, for example, or the beheading of Pikachu) or comments on the need for Uncanny Valley perfectionism on TikTok for adolescent girls. The only really good visual gag (the doll sitting next to cute teddies) is directly ripped off from E.T.

Instead, we’re treated to “killer doll goes on rampage/ future dystopia” tropes with no substance or purpose. Say something, or don’t bother. Do we really need a franchise? And who is it for? It’s too silly for adults, and even teenagers have probably seen it all before. Meh-gan.